Inner narratives are the stories we tell ourselves in our minds. These are the thoughts and beliefs that help us understand who we are and what the world is like. You know that voice in your head that’s always chatting? That’s your internal narrative!
Some stories we tell ourselves make us feel good and help us do awesome things. Like when you think, “I can totally do this,” you’re more likely to go out and actually do it! But some stories can hold us back, like thinking, “I’m not good enough.” Knowing what stories you’re telling yourself is the first step to changing them. When you change them to be more positive, you’re more likely to be happier and do better in life.
Inner narratives and self-talk
Inner narratives are closely related to self-talk, but not quite the same thing. Self-talk are the actual words and language you use internally, such as, “You’ve know how this is going to turn out…” The inner narrative is the context that predicts how you believe this will turn out. So, if your inner narrative is that you are someone who always perseveres, your self-talk may say “You know this will be hard, but you will get through it”. On the other hand, if your inner narrative says you tend to fail or bail out, your self-talk might say “You know you’re not going to finish this, so why start?”
If Inner narratives and self-talk are close relatives in the family of your inner world, they’re not identical twins but more like siblings who look alike.
How They’re Similar:
- Both shape how you view yourself and the world. Whether it’s a running commentary (self-talk) or a more structured story (inner narrative), both have the power to influence your feelings, behaviors, and choices.
- Both happen internally and often unconsciously. You might not even be aware that you’re engaging in self-talk or forming inner narratives until you stop and pay attention.
- Both can be either positive or negative, influencing your mood and well-being accordingly.
How They’re Different:
- Self-talk is often momentary and situational. For example, you might think, “I can’t believe I forgot my keys again; I’m so forgetful!” It’s like your brain’s play-by-play announcer for daily life.
- Inner narratives are the bigger stories or beliefs that you hold about yourself, often long-term. These are overarching themes like, “I’m a forgetful person,” that your self-talk can feed into.
- Self-talk is usually more spontaneous, while inner narratives are more enduring and stable. You can think of self-talk as the individual brush strokes that contribute to the larger picture that is your inner narrative.
So, while self-talk and inner narratives are closely related, they function on different levels. Self-talk is the ongoing chatter in your mind, while your inner narratives are the more established stories or beliefs that this chatter can reinforce. Recognizing the relationship between the two can offer valuable insights into how you think and feel. Once you understand the nuances, you have a better chance of reshaping both to foster a more positive and empowering mental landscape.
So, how do we work with our inner narratives to support our movement towards a happier daily life?
Becoming aware of your internal narratives is the first step to changing them for the better. A great way to do this is through a practice called “Thought Journaling.” Let’s dive into it, shall we?
A Practice : Thought Journaling
What You’ll Need:
- A notebook or journal (yes, that old-school thing with pages)
- A pen (or pencil if you’re feeling retro)
- About 10-15 minutes of your time
How to Do It:
- Find a quiet space where you can focus.
- Open your journal and draw two columns. Label the first one “Thoughts” and the second one “Emotions/Reactions.”
- Throughout the day, whenever you catch yourself in a loop of self-talk or realize you’re having strong emotional reactions, jot them down in the appropriate column.
- At the end of the day, review your entries. Ask yourself: Are these thoughts factual? Are they serving me well? What emotions do they trigger?
Reflect and Reframe:
- Now comes the fun part. Look at each thought and ask yourself if you can reframe it into something more positive or empowering.
- For example, if you wrote down, “I’m terrible at this,” try to reframe it as, “I’m still learning, and that’s okay.”
Thought journaling allows you to identify the narratives running through your mind and gives you the power to change them. It’s like cleaning out your mental closet. Out with the old, in with the new!
A Practice : Metta Meditation
Metta meditation (aka loving kindness meditation) can be a game-changer when it comes to flipping the script on negative inner narratives. This form of loving-kindness meditation encourages you to send goodwill and love first to yourself and then to others. By actively focusing on positive intentions and love, you start to rewrite those gnarly inner narratives that have been keeping you down. Here is a brief description of how to do your own metta meditation:
- Find a Quiet Space: Choose a comfy place where you won’t be disturbed. Sit down or lie down—your choice!
- Close Your Eyes: Soften your gaze or close your eyes to help focus inward.
- Breathe: Take a few deep breaths to settle in. Ahhh, feel that? That’s you, tuning into the present moment.
- Start with You: Begin by directing loving-kindness toward yourself. Silently repeat phrases like, “May I be happy, may I be safe, may I be healthy, may I live with ease.”
- Expand the Circle: Now send that loving-kindness to others. Start with someone you care about and expand to include others, even those you have difficulty with. Use the same phrases: “May you be happy, may you be safe,” and so on.
- Wrap it Up: After a few minutes or when you feel ready, gently open your eyes and take a deep breath. Take this newfound feeling of love and kindness with you throughout your day
Think about it. If your go-to inner story is something like, “I’m not worthy of love or success,” spending dedicated time sending yourself messages like, “May I be happy, may I be well,” is like cognitive rebellion. You’re confronting that narrative head-on and saying, “Nope, not today, negativity.”
When you make this a regular practice, it starts to infiltrate your subconscious, gradually replacing those negative inner narratives with positive ones. The brain is a creature of habit; give it a new habit, and it’ll eventually catch on.
Be patient & be kind!
We have spent our lifetime building the habits we live with today. Some of those habits are helpful and serve us well, while others are harmful and keep health and joy out of reach. It’s taken years to get here, it will take awhile to significantly change the course. Set your intention and make it manageable within the constraints of your life. Slow, steady practice will yield long term progress. Be patient and be kind to yourself!
